It's been my life's ambition to pursue my interest in you. How many days have I sat alone dreaming of getting to know you better, to understand your complexities, to appreciate the nuances and to lead a happy and purposeful life through you.

I know I am not the only one with these dreams. I have to compete with lot of smart guys for whom, like me, you are their life's passion; the door way to success and contentment. To make matters worse, even lot of girls have started to develop interest in you. Oh! God, what has the world come to?

After a lot of falters and false starts, I finally gathered enough courage to pursue my interest in you. I still remember it was sometime last year. I was lonely and miserable, looking for a way to cheer me up and spend my time purposeful. I couldn't think of anything else but you. I knew you are the one.

As I approached you, to get to know you, you were closed and difficult to comprehend. I started doubting my ability. May be I am not good enough for you. Then slowly as we spent more time together, alone, you started to unravel your mysteries. We developed a good bond. I began enjoying our times together. Though it was lot of work, i felt satisfaction at the end of the day.

But what happened then? After a few months, I started losing interest in you. I questioned our compatibility. I seriously doubted, may be I made a mistake, may be you are not the one for me. I stopped spending time with you and started neglecting you. I felt you are taking too much of my time, my time I would rather spend with my friends, time of fun and frolic which i completely missed from you. We grew apart.

After months of cooling off, I realized we deserve a second chance with each other. I am not saying things will be peachy this time. I am not saying everything will be ok. But for all we went through together, we can't give up that easily.

Being mature and wiser this time, I am approaching you with no expectations, no commitment. Let Time be the judge. My dear, My Love, My GMAT, here I come.

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சும்மாவே ஆயிரத்தி எட்டு பிழையோடு தமிழில் எழுதுவேன். இதுலே இங்லிஷ்லெ டைப் பண்ணி அது தமிழில் வந்தா கேக்கவா வேணும். எப்படியோ தமிழில எழுத வாய்ப்பு கிடைச்சிருக்கு, அதுவரைக்கும் சந்தோசம். ஹய்யா!! தமிழில கவிதை எழுத கண்ட ரைமிங் டிக்சினரி தேட வேண்டியது இல்ல. தமிழில எழுதி என்னை ஊக்குவித்த அனுவுக்கும், துர்காதேவிக்கும் நன்றி.

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When Jeethu(ex-roommie) called me last Thursday to ask me if I want to come with him skiing to Pokonos ski resort, I remembered how my cousin Ahila told me that skiing is exciting and fun and I immediately said yes. I had a misinformed notion that skiing is something like Roller-skating which I am familiar with. I was all excited and pictured myself gently skiing down the slope and with poise and style.

We left Princeton by 8 am and reached Jack Frost Black Boulder skiing resort in Poconos, PA by 11 am. We were supposed to be joined by some of Jeethu's friends there. The line to buy the tickets was getting longer, so we decided to stand in the line and let the people pass us once we reach near the counter. The line was in the outdoors and started snowing. Initially I didn't feel much cold since I was all covered up in my jacket, gloves and all. But the temperature was hovering around -10 deg C and slowly I felt the bite of cold. When we started I didn't expect this kind of cold. I was losing sensation in my extremities. I began thinking this is no fun. When I looked around there were people, most of them white, chatting and laughing as if all is fine. They had all the cool gadgets like face-mask, snow-boot etc that will completely isolate them from the cold. I was there wondering what a boy born and raised in tropical climate, who haven't seen snow till a few years back doing standing in the line to get tickets for skiing.

It turned out that Jeethu's friends have gone to a nearby resort and we decided to go ahead and buy the tickets for ourselves. Since Jeethu had done skiing before, we decided to do snow boarding this time. We went inside the building to get our gear.It took a while to thaw myself and I became little apprehensive of how I am going to last outdoors for longer time. We got out gear (boots and snow board) went to the place where they gave instructions for the beginners.

The slope for the beginners is not actually a slope. It had a very slight gradient and only 25- 30 feet in length. It looked very innocuous. The instructor was good and experienced, he explained how to balance on the board and demostrated a few times sliding down the slope in his board. It didn't look that hard and I decided to give it a try. I went through the instructions in my mind, "weight on the front foot, back straight, shoulders and hand in-line with the board, no turning the hips" and I let go. I did exactly what I was supposed to do; I arched my back, couldn't put the weight on the front foot and turned involuntarily to see where I am going, with disastrous effect. I slid half the way on my board and the rest on my stomach. Wow! May be this is not that easy!!

I went back and tried a few more times; same mistakes, same results. Then with some further tips from the instructor, I began sliding smoothly once in a while. I can see myself getting better and I was all excited in conquering the first lesson in snow-boarding. The biting cold didn't seem to bother me and I wanted more .The instructor told us that after few more tries, he will teach us how to turn on our board.

I decided to do one last time before I start to turn in the board. I started to slide down, everything seems ok till I realized that my board is going down at an angle. I tried to correct it by shifting my weight slightly in the other side and that did it. I had an awkward fall and I felt a sharp pain in my knee. It was twisted sideways when I was falling down the slope. I was in the snow, face down telling to myself, "Oh! crap!, I broke some thing". I limped my way to the side and started ascertaining the extent of damage by folding and extending my knee. The pain was not very intense so may be I didn't break any bones. I called it quits and limped back to the building.

Only inside the building I realized how bad the cold was. I couldn't feel my toes or for that matter any of the other digits. It’s still one more hour before the end of the lessons and I was brooding over my fall and inability to continue the lessons. I was tempted to go back if my knee feels ok. I took a few steps, it didn't pain, but I still got a sharp prick, when I turned or got up. I decided against any more snow-boarding.

So much for a fun day of skiing. Ah! Well, you gain some; you lose some.

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Well! It’s been three and a half years since I have left India and came here to the US. What have I done in these years? What have I learnt my Master’s degree notwithstanding? Why am I still here? am I scared to go back to my own country?

Life is no longer a challenge here. I have got a decent job and gained some good work experience now. I know for sure that I will not be unemployed ever. When I came here, my goal was to get a degree, some work experience and then go back. Right now I have got both. What else am I waiting for? Right now I am thinking may be its not enough, may be few more years will help me settle down better in India, may be an MBA will be worthwhile, may be it will help in starting up a business when I go back to India. Sometimes this makes sense, sometimes I think that I am just making all this up so that I don't have a make a decision now; so that I can put it off for few more years.

Sometimes I wish someone else could make this decision for me. But I know it won't work. I got to be the master of my own fate and I know that, but these decisions... gosh! What a drag. I wish work will get busier soon. Then I will sit in my cubicle and code my way to oblivion, to a blissful state where the hardest decision I have to make is whether to use an float or decimal :-)

Talking of float and decimal, I love my job when its just me and the machine. When someone prepares the requirements and someone else prepares the test plans and all I have to do is to churn out code, Life just makes sense.

Oh! Well, when I started with the topic Reflection, I was sort of thinking in the lines of places I have seen and people I have met. But it developed into random ramblings. They say, "If you are happy, clap your hands", I am saying "If you are indecisive, leave a comment". At least I will know I am not alone.

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I can't believe my eyes when I saw today's temperature. It’s 54 deg Fahrenheit. Its only 3 days ago we had a blizzard dumping almost a feet of snow and today its pleasant as a spring day.

I went to get some thing for lunch. I stepped out the car with my jacket and started waking. Then I realized, wait a second, it’s not cold. Its not just not being cold, actually it was warm inside my jacket. So I double backed to my car and got rid of the jacket. When I turn around, there was lady walking by, commented, "You don't need that jacket on a day like this!" I replied cheerfully,” I Know!!!!!!!" I can't believe that I am walking on a February day, 3 days after a blizzard without a jacket and it felt so good. Though the ever present skeptic in me was wondering may be its because of the Global Warming. I completely ignored it continued walking enjoying the weather.

May be it’s not a big deal, but those few minutes were joyous. Life is not a drag, at least not always.

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Immobilized during this weekend due a snow storm :( All is not lost, atleast I got some cool(Cold) pics here.

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6:07 am: Got up silently screaming, I am soooo late!!!!!
6:09 am: Brushed
6:11 am: Shaved
6:13 am: washed my face
6:16 am: Got Dressed
6:18 am: put on shoes and jacket
6:20 am: In my car driving to the train station to New York.

Folks, isn't it a world record or something?. May be I should give the Guinness Book of Records a call. What say??

P/S: please note that I get up this early only if I have to New York Office which is not that often, Thank the merciful Almighty!!!

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Ability to reason is your compass ,
Knowledge is your map ,
Goals are your check points ,
Attitude is your rifle ,
Love is your ration ,
Friends are your fellow soldiers ,
Challenges are your enemies ,
Hope is your courage ,
uncertainty is your fear ,
Happiness is your victory ,

Sometimes life is like a patrol.

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Employee or Employer? It's been a question bouncing back and forth in my head for a really long time. Which one is better? to join a company and work your way up, taking comfort in the steady life and a stable finance or start a company and be an entrepreneur, soaking up in a life a risks and challenges. Let me put my thoughts on the board and see how they match up.

Employee

Pros:
1. Steady job
2. Stable Finances
3. Comfortable (Upper)Middle-class life
4. Easily Marketable in Matrimony Market :-)

Cons:
1. Monotony and Boredom??
2. No Rags to Riches fairy tale
3. Envy folks who made it big doing business
4. Predictable life. You know what you will be doing at 50


Employer

Pros:
1. Captain of my ship, Master of my fate
2. More rewarding to start something and see it grow
3. No need to report to anybody but yourself
4. Might be future Narayanmoorty or Bill Gates

Cons
1. raise capital, hire staff, breakeven, earn profit etc., lots of work
2. the 'B' word, Bankruptcy
3. Stomach Ulcer and Hypertension due to constant worrying
4. Might not live to see 50 :-)(just kidding)

The kind souls who read this post can contribute to this list. Also mention what's your vote between the choices employee, employer, undecided and undecided with leanings on either side. Mine is Undecided with leaning towards employer.

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